Sleep arrived

eventually, after a very shaky start to the night. Incredibly shaky. So shaky in fact that I think the time space continuum has been ripped beyond repair. However it is now morning, and we made it through the night. To give you an indication of how horrid it was I was relieved when I heard each and every child cough and cry out, at roughly the same time, this morning because it meant they were still here.

I think I worry more than the average mother. I know most mother's worry and that is completely understandable. However at 23 I was told I would never have children. So in some strange little way my beautiful little babies were never meant to exist, and sometimes I fear that because of this they will be taken away from me, because every day I have with them is literally a miracle. Some days I don't behave as though they are, some days Lexi tests me to the limits and Tabitha sends my blood pressure soaring and Angus ends up with clumps full of my hair in his fist and on those days it tends to float out of my mind just how lucky I am. But at the end of the day, when all is quiet and there is time to reflect, I check in on my babies, as I do several times every night and probably will do several times a night until they leave home, and I smile. Because I do have them. They are real. And they are here. And they are mine. And although I know not what the future holds, I cherish the past and try as much as I can to live in the present, looking only towards the future with the hope that their little lives develop and they are happy and healthy. So today we're going to work on that. The healthy bit. And then on we'll go.

I love Blistex. The little tub. My brother reckons that Blistex is an addiction, much like cigarettes or drugs or alcohol or gambling or shopping. He reckons you used to see women everywhere crack open the miniature tub for a "fix" at regular intervals. I think that's a bit of a stretch, but I do like the way it makes my lips feel, especially right about now considering I'm also sick and the temperature has changed a fair amount and my lips are no longer smooth and rosy but more like spiky, raw and luminescent. Not a good look. So I slather the Blistex on and hope that it will ease things a bit, even if it makes me look as though I have been eating KFC with no hands.

I'm just about to thaw out some steak. I'm not having steak for dinner, but I'm going to use it in the slow cooker. It's oyster blade steak. If you've never had that then you're in a for a treat. It is a great cut of meat, when cooked the right way. It is a good one for the bbq, but I don't have a bbq so won't be doing that. I must add that to the house wishlist actually. Bbq. Check. Another great way to do it, which is how I'm doing it today, is in the slow cooker (or pressure cooker, whichever you have available). The sauce I am going to put with it is called panrem sauce (pantry remnant sauce). It involves cutting up the meat, and an onion, and a carrot or two and some celery if you have it, and a couple of potatoes, then chucking them in the slowy with a liberal splash of soy sauce, worcestershire sauce, brown sugar, flour, salt and pepper, cajun seasoning, balsamic vinegar, and basically any other sauces or things you can find in the pantry. It started off as a very simple four ingredient recipe and has grown to incorporate much of the stuff you buy and use once for a specific recipe then never use again and I figured this was wasteful so why not figure out a way to use it all. Slow cookers are brilliant for that. Chuck everything in, turn it on and in 8 hours there's your meal. I could put in a tin of tomatoes too but for some reason I don't think I want to involve them in it today. I do have some mushrooms though, they'll go in there. Hmmmm. I have probably got a splash of red wine hanging around somewhere too, that'll be nice.

I'm going to continue my fight against the stereotyping of foods by having a poached egg on toast and some olives for breakfast. As you do.