It will be worth it.

In the long run.

For now, it is a struggle. Realistically, I would be better off being a stay at home mum. Financially.

But in the long run, I would be better off working. Not just for me, for my family.

I redid my budget tonight. I have the grand total of $12.38 a week leftover after all the necessities are taken care of. That doesn't leave a lot to entertain the kids on a weekend now does it?

So what do I do? Do I succumb and say yes I will go back to being a SAHM and close my eyes to the future to ensure the now is more fullsome?

I can't. Because that would be verging on negligent on my part.

I have the capacity, and in the long run I, and my beautiful babies, will benefit from my working to provide for them.

But my word it is hard. So so hard. I can't even begin to explain what I'm going through.

I do understand why so many single mums don't enter, or re-enter, the workforce. Because realistically, why would you?

For the future. That's why.

And I must remain steadfast in that belief.

It will be ok. For now, we struggle, but down the track, we will be ok. I know we will.