Negativity

upsets me. I don't like being negative, I don't like feeling negative, and I don't like hearing other people constantly be negative. Which is why times like this are so hard for me, because the day really didn't have a lot of "good" things in it. We are still all sick, I woke up convinced I had inhaled the contents of Gilette's factory, and we are all sleep deprived, coughing, fevers, and general malaise. We're all sick. Simple.

So food is an issue. It hurts to eat some things. So you don't, you eat other things. But then you don't know what you want, or you know what you want but you are two and it doesn't matter how many times you repeat it and how loud this repetition gets (think Americans in Europe) you still aren't understood, so you have to go without what would possibly be the one thing that would make you feel better. Or not. I might just be reading into things.

Today I am feeling very, what's the word, um, defeated I think is the correct word. My whole body aches, it hurts to swallow, breathe, blink, think, move, all that. And the kids still need me so I have to keep trucking on. And I'm getting angry at them for being sick, because I'm sick too and nobody is looking after me. It isn't fair (mentally chucking a tantrum throwing self on ground, stomping fists and feet and screaming).

Today is one of those days when you think why the hell did I choose to have three children under three, then chastise yourself brutally for even thinking that because there is no way in hell you'd be without any of your children, so you feel worse, and then you get angry, and you see it becomes a vicious circle.

So I shall leave it there. All that has vomited from my fingers onto this virtual page has been negative and I am not happy about it. I hate it in fact. It is not who I am. But I'm feeling so very very worn down and am finding it hard to muster the me out of the quagmire.

Here's hoping tonight somehow resembles a night in a house and not cough o'clock at the local hospital.

I bid you adieu and trust that tomorrow is another day. And inevitably it will be.