Tonsils

were put there for a reason. They basically cop the flack when you get sick and make sure the infection doesn't go down any further. Lexi has had tonsillitis more times than I care to remember. On one particular occasion her temperature was above 40 and yes, we were at the hospital, I had gone there the day before when it hit 39.6 only to be sent home to try and get a sample. Very easy from a child that isn't toilet trained. Not. Anyway, we got one but it wasn't a great one, and when her temperature hit 40.1 at home the next day (and I didn't even wait for it to beep, as soon as it hit 40 that was enough for me) we were out the door and straight to emergency, and straight through. And they dosed her up with gastrolyte icypoles because she hadn't been peeing which was also a bad sign. Anyway, what I was trying to get across is that she has had tonsillitis before. I don't know if she ever actually fully got RID of the tonsillitis, because looking down her throat they were always kind of large looking, but then again I don't know what tonsils are supposed to look like.

Tomorrow we are going to try and find a doctor. Actually I might do the googling tonight and then come business time tomorrow I can just ring up straight away. I'm thinking if I say "I'm a mother of 3 under 3, my oldest has a fever and a cough and her tonsils are huge, my middle child is teething and has been for months and my youngest is going through a growth spurt and is feeding every 1.5 to 2 hours and I haven't slept more than a few hours a night for nearly three weeks if I don't get her seen soon I'm going to go insane" then they may let us waive the usual "new patient" waiting times that you often get and see us straight away.

Even when she is sick though, she is still wonderful. I crawled up on to the bed with her to explain to her that I had to take her temperature and give her some medicine and she looked at me through tired glassy eyes and said "ok mummy" with tears streaming down her face and her cheeks bright red from coughing and heat and all sorts of things, and as I told her that she was the best little girl in the world and I loved her more than anything she blew me a kiss. And I just about cried.

I'm so so tired. I won't be sleeping again tonight. I just hope my baby feels better. It is killing me that she is sick.

Tabitha is teething too. Again. And Angus is still feeding like a bastard.

If there is no rest for the wicked I must be pure evil.

Still, I still wouldn't have it any other way, for to have it any other way would mean that I may not have my beautiful babies, my precious little ones, those miniature folks who say the most magical little things, they who make you smile from looking at the twinkle in their eyes, those whose laughter is more intoxicating than the finest wine, and whose mere presence could melt the coldest of hearts.

I just love my babies. And much as this is part of life and there will be more sickness in the future, I just wish I could take away their pain. Cos that's just what we mums do, that's what we mums want. Our purpose in life is to protect our children as much as we can. But we must also realise that protection has limits. We can only do what we can do. And we can not 'protect' them from life. For they will grow. They will scrape their knees again. They will have a cold again. And heaven forbid they will have accidents. And as they grow older they may shy away from our affection, they may tell us not to worry so much. But every mother knows that their children will always be their babies, no matter how old, and asking us not to worry is like asking the sun not to rise, like asking the birds not to sing, like asking fish not to swim.

Worry we will. But, not now but inevitably in the future, we must allow our children to have things happen to them, bad, good, indifferent, otherwise. For that is life. Life is a collection of experiences. To wish that nothing ever happened to your child is to wish them a dull and uneventful life. I choose then to wish my children a happy and healthy life and that they are able to handle all the obstacles put in front of them. And that they feel they can come to me for help if they need it.

I'm getting ahead of myself. For now I will just be content for my little Lexi to breathe a little easier and make it through the night with at least a little sleep. And some for me too.