And another five days

has passed since my last post. And it feels like a moment. A lot has happened.

The xray was normal. Great news, means that 99% sure it is not hip dysplasia, which is a relief. However the problem is still there, we just have less of an idea as to what could be causing it. Friday we see the paediatrician and hopefully get a little more of an idea.

I should mention that although we are seeing the paediatrician about his hips, that is not the reason for which we were referred. It was his breathing. He has very noisy breathing, as did Tabitha. And when I took him back for a check up of the horrendous ear infections he had suffered, I was told that 99% sure the cause of it was tracheomalacia - a malformation of the trachea, the windpipe. His breathing noise is not caused by bronchiolitis (which is what Tabitha had been diagnosed with, repeatedly, and now looking at this I think perhaps erroneously) but by an inability of his windpipe to function as normal. Whereas in normal folks it is solid, in those with tracheomalacia it is flaccid and malleable, meaning that every time a breath is taken in or one is expelled, the skin literally falls over the air passage. Terrifying stuff really. So we find out for sure on Friday. Or not for sure. We may just get referred for more tests. It's fairly exhausting. 

Easter happened. And it was pretty good I must say. I'm allergic to chocolate so don't partake in the whole egg thing, but the girls eat chocolate (although they don't 'love' it like some kids, probably because they rarely get it poor things) and they adored seeing the easter bunny had visited. Lexi was fairly hesitant to emerge from her room upon seeing that someone had in fact eaten half the carrot and the three biscuits we had left out for the easter bunny. But slowly slowly she edged towards the table to see what the magical bunny had left her, and all was good. When she realised there were little eggs and chickies hidden throughout the toy room she was beside herself. And it wasn't the chocolate, as she really isn't a huge rap for it, it was the finding. "There's one!!!" came the cries from the shelves, "and another one!!!" from the toy sofas. Absolutely fabulous to watch. Tabitha was happy to collect all the eggs in a bowl, walking along with said bowl, eggs spilling out everywhere, but no matter, they were just more eggs to collect. And so easter was good. Very very good.

Then today, Anzac Day, is my baby Lexi's birthday. She was 3. Every day for about 4 months she wakes and almost before she says good morning, or wants breakfast, she says "It's my birthday today, no?". Wonderfully French sentence construction there. And so today I was able to say "it's your birthday, and the smile she gave me was enough to light up the entire planet.

I got her a few little things, some butterflies to decorate her room, some cookie cutters to make biscuits with mum, and a sand art kit too as she loves her arts and crafts, but her "main" present proved to be as successful with her as I had hoped it would be. See Lexi loves to cook. I could be making toast and she would want to help. She stirs ingredients in bowls, helps to measure things out, and just loves to 'create' in the kitchen. So I got her a toy kitchen. She adores it. I am rapt.

We had a family gathering today and she was able to play with her cousins and aunties and uncles and grandparents, as were the others, and it was a lovely day. This was coupled with the fact that for weeks she had said she wanted a bbq for her birthday, so I found a cheap bbq on gumtree and we did just that. We had a bbq for her birthday.

So my baby is 3. After many many months, I no longer have three under three. And whereas previously I thought I would feel some sense of immense relief knowing that that psychological block has been lifted, I find myself with a tear in my eye. For it is becoming ever more noticeable that my babies are growing up. At a rate that is simply not acceptable but is impossible to stop.

I have essays due. Two of them. Today. They are not done. It was only a few days ago that Angus settled enough to be happy for me to put him down for more than a half hour or so. So not a great deal has been achieved. I have emailed my lecturers to ask for extensions on the existing week long extensions that had been granted, and due to the easter break have not yet heard. But there is little I can do. I am aiming for Wednesday for completion of these essays, and really I can only do what I can do.

On a lighter note sleep deprivation will do strange things to you. Tabitha still doesn't sleep through. And so the other night whilst going in to change her nappy and give her a bottle I did as I do and I went back to bed. 5.30am or thereabouts the cry to get up occurred, so I dutifully dragged my weary bones from bed and picked Tabitha up and popped her on the sofa. She started whinging. Bottle? No. Still kind of asleep? No. What was it? I had no idea. Until I looked down and realised that when I had done the dream nappy change I had put both her legs into the one pant leg on her pyjamas. She literally couldn't move. Poor mini chick.

Four more days to find out what's happening with mini dude. Four days. And as time flies, these days will drag, because that is the way it goes. When it is something you look forward to it drags. When it is something that may well change your life, it drags more than a cart with no wheels.

I'm staying hopeful. There isn't a great deal more I can do. Day by day. Day by day. And there are so many people worse off in the world, I should be grateful. But I still worry. I'm a mum. That's what we do.